just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
