First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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