She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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