So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
