Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just tell him i said nine months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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