The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
