just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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