This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
