i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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