Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
