I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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