I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
