In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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