I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
