I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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