I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
