how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
