they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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