And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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