i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
