Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
