paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
