whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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