Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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