She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
