I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
