I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize