Screwed.edu
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
