hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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