Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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