I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize