absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize