He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
