I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
