your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
