i don't like sucking hair
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
