guys are not supposed to queef...right?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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