Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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