I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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