girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
