i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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