a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
where am i from again
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
