I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
