And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Pants are for mortals
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
