Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
