So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
