i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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