i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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