I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
