Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
