we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
