no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
