I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
