Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
