Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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