On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
