Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
