Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
