I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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