i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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