Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
