Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
