Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
