its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
