you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
