Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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