listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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